As much as I dreaded it, the second hand on the clock will never stop ticking away or dwindle in velocity. The time has come for the result of the SPM examination to dominate the headlines of mainstream media, at least for the very day of 12^th of March 2007.

The sensation has been felt for the past few days.

Unzipping the small little eyes and waking up in response to the powerful rays of sunlight, peeping into the wardrobe contemplating the outfit-for-the-day, starring at the mirror looking at the brand new just-wake-up hairdo, stripping and showering while holding the old toothbrush and squeezing the toothpaste from the middle of the tube J, dressing up and gathering all the books on the must-bring-to-college list, doing revision for mathematics, walking back to the same class every single day, hanging out at the library at college checking out new arrivals, developing a predilection for books with attractive covers (judging the book by its cover), having lunch breaks, staying back for extra co-curricular activities, read news from independent media like Malaysiakini and International Herald Tribune, random perusal of the huge collection of world wide webs, doing official SAT question for the day from College Board, and finally, sleep – and I shall call it a typical day.

Not anymore.

Today, it was filled with anxiety, perturbation, and nervousness. The number of As I foresee myself obtaining appeared to be the center of preoccupation. Is it going to be 9As? Or is it going to be only 5As?

Why is it that I suddenly am so darn obsessed with As, just because my name starts with quite a number of As? Am I afraid what others might think? Am I obsessed with fame so that I can proudly tell the others that I have hell loads of As?

I think so. At some point of my life these days, I wished I have loads of As.

But why? Why the anxiety, perturbation and nervousness?

After all, the person who believes that we all do not need to excel in school to excel in life, who detest all matters or stuffs pertaining to the Malaysian education system and is not willing to give a damn on the standardize test of that what-I-call flawed education system (as a matter of, well, “principle”), and who thinks SPM shouldn’t exist after all, is none other than the person typing this a.k.a. me a.k.a. Aaron Lo.

I love the way the world works.

And the world works fairly, I believe. Thus, it is only fair that my result will commensurate with the effort that I put in. And with the so call “principle” illustrated just now (that has ultimately caused the lack of effort put in), the result should be pretty atrocious, I mused.

And that is what bothering me now!

I wondered why I was not willing to put the “principle” aside, focusing on the short term, concentrating on SPM at the expense of my “principle”. I wondered why I refuse to give up believing what I believe. I wondered…

Uh oh. Don’t tell me the very same guy who has big dream, who is determined to make change to the society, and who will probably need to make lots of right decision in near future, has made a wrong decision?

I submerged in my own thoughts, having several consulting sessions with my very own conscience.

But then, I was reminded about the many things that I’ve done at the expense of my studies. Join and win competitions, held many leadership and managerial positions, developed linguistic skills (I think), developed animosity for government related stuffs (which made me really proud of myself), and etc.

I’ve learnt diligence, perseverance, leadership skills, basic management, communication skills, analytical thinking, critical thinking, creativity/innovation, persuasive skills, and all other skills mentioned in a book about Neuro Linguistic Programming or Emotional Intelligence.

As I mentioned earlier, these skills were developed at the expense of my academic stint in high school. It seemed like it is a Catch 22 situation, and that I have to choose between possessing these skills and having an admirable high school transcript.

Of course, I chose the road not taken by many. I chose the former, abandoning the latter.

What relieved me from the predicament of having to blame myself for the lack of effort put in is the fact that I can only choose one of them. I am glad that I chose the former.

Perhaps you think that I could well be an all rounder, developing these skills while having straight As on the report card. I am sorry, but I am no child prodigy, no genius, no Einstein – that’s just not the way I function.

I am glad, because these skills proved to be very very useful, in college life. Absolutely no regret.

And hey, maybe I did not make a wrong decision after all. Maybe I shouldn’t feel the anxiety after all!!

The SPM result will be out in less than 12 hours from now. Whatever is it, I really do not need a SPM transcript for my university application. All I need is an Ontario Secondary School Diploma transcript. And now, I feel more secure with all the skills equipped with me.

Seriously, does SPM matter?