I felt utterly guilty. Utterly. The other day I was talking to some friends, and we talked about achievements (that seems rather random).

But anyways, I was told that I was a “hardworking” person, very “brilliant”, have so much “potential”, and all that words associated with some of mankind’s inherent virtues. But the truth is uglier than Ugly Betty - I am a fan of procrastination. With that being said, I had lived a double life like Sydney Bristow in Alias, merely putting a illusive facade to the people around me.

In this first post under a newly created blog category I called - “Self-examination”, I seek to understand and examine one of my worst bad habit. And no prizes for guessing which habit I am talking about. I want to know why I did so; what are the external factors involved; what are the effects on me, my productivity, and my level of motivation; and how to address the problem.

If only self-examination was that easy, Siddhārtha Gautama does not have to undergo several reincarnations to be enlightened. So it goes without saying : Coming up with the list below as arduous as playing Franz Liszt’s Libestraum better than Evgeny Kissin. It took a few solid days of soul-searching and day dreaming, at home, in the car, and at the train on my way to work.

Why I Procrastinated

1. I thought to myself, “there are plenty of time left”. Hence, no harm leaving this project aside.

2. Plenty of distractions around. You see, the piano is right beside the computer, the TV remote is just a stretch away. And not to mention, Gmail, TED.com, YouTube, Wikipedia, interesting blogs, etc, etc, etc, are merely clicks away. That is not inclusive of the decibels generated by siblings and neighbors. And sometimes, the demands and calls-for-action from the parents kills my concentration. Oh, then there is this mobile phone, right in front of my monitor, interupting the flow of my concentration.

3. I told myself it was right for me to relax (as I thought I did quite a lot already). So the mind tends to remind myself of the golden phrase of “relax yourself, you need a break” or its permutations.

4. I am discouraged by my never-ending to-do-list. What? So much to do? No matter how hard I try, there is still plenty to do?

5. I am too much of a perfectionist. You know, sometimes I feel some additional skills to do something better, so I’ll do this later after I’ve acquired those skills. And as the to-do-list gets longer, procrastination comes in stronger doses.

I need to think about possible remedies for these problems. But later.

I need to watch Lost Season 3 right now.