The Metamorphosing Effect of Narcissism

Stereotypes have garnered my interest lately. Some say Asians are brilliant (really?), some say Asians are weak in bed, some say Americans are fools, some say Malays are lazy, some say the Chinese are rich and greedy, some say the Indians are selfish, some say blondes are dumb, some say lesbians are ugly, some say all fashion designers are gay, and some say those studying at Sunway and Taylors are rich (not true!).

Recently I have been entangled with the ever-so-famous stereotype that gay men are attractive looking people. In actuality, this stereotype has been incessantly surfacing all these while. There was once a column in a local newspaper called “What a girl wants” where the author once noted that what a girl wants, is a gay man. She went on to describe one of her friend as the perfect boyfriend material - good looks, sex appeal of a devil, six-pack, smart, and above all, he is funny and SENSITIVE.

Few years back a female friend of mine who works in the advertising profession echoed the words of the afore-mentioned female columnist. We were talking about the advertising industry (serious stuff) when she suddenly digressed to inform me about the large number of gays in the advertising industry. “All damn good looking,” she said. (those were her exact words).

Lately there are a couple of celebrities who had come out of the closet and publicly declared they are gay. The comment on some of the articles on the world wide web tinged with similar sentiment, especially those made by women. One of them (woman) sternly, albeit in jest, warned all gay men against “stealling all the hot ones” and that she wanted Nate Berkus back.

Amid the glorifying sentiments of gay men as the attractive bunch of people, I wonder - how true is it that all gay men are flamming?

Of course, the stereotypes are not at all unfounded. Here are the crème de la crème:

Ok first we have JP Calderon (above) from Survivor: Cook Island and Janice Dickinson Modelling Agency. Hailed as one of the hottest models on modelling agency, some women (and men) claimed they can reach the orgasmic feeling by mere glance of his physical attributes.

Oh, then there is Jesse Brune (above) , who is decently attractive. But most importantly, he is a smart guy and an all rounder who is capable of wearing many hats.

Then there is this insanely sexy good looking David Bromstad (picture below) who is capable of converting the straightest guy to the other end of the sexuality spectrum. Or at the very least, makes all guys under the sun contemplating how unattractive they are and blame the inventor of the mirror for their predicament. Bromstad won an interior design reality show, appeared shirtless most of the time on the small screen while doing carpentry work (wonder why eh?), and left female fans contemplating the unfathomable oh-my-gosh-why-does-the-hottest-guy-have-to-be-gay question.

So, back to the question - Are all gay men really that attractive?

Obviously it is a stereotype. So there are bound to have a few exceptions. I mean, there are unattractive gay guys and attractive straight guys too. While I ponder further, the way these people described the ideals of a gay man is as if there is an underlying assumption that the good looks are a product of nature, as oppose to the product of “nurture”. I mean the nature of their question is “Why are all gay men so hot?”, not “Why are gay men so concern about their appearances?”

I for one believed that it would be insane if nature plays a role. We all know not everyone is born beautiful. That would make beauty salons and plastic surgery practitioners completely redundant. Furthermore, in a fairly baseless but empirical conjecture, I believed unattractive people outnumbered attractive people. Otherwise, modelling wouldn’t be such an exclusive profession as it is now. So chances are, MOST gays are born with a look that cannot be said to be particularly attractive. But if only a small number of gay men are attractive, then is that really enough to perpetuate the stereotype?

What really is stereotype? What is its origin? If there is an aspect of truth in a stereotype, it has to be the fact that there are quite a significant number of people conforming to any said stereotype. For instance, the stereotype that most fashion designers are gay, could mean that there must be a significant number (but definitely not all) of fashion designers who matched the description (There is an article about this in a fashion column in the New York Times recently). Otherwise, we wouldn’t come up with this stereotype, no? Ideas are built on other ideas. They just don’t come from nowhere.

Hence, with that being said, I readily acknowledged that there could probably be a significant number (but definitely not all) of gay men who can be considered attractive. As to why, I really would like to believe that it is the product of nurture. Gay men are like women - they really care about their own appearance.

What I really want to say is that if there is one thing that gay men had taught the world, it is the fact that EVERYONE IS BEAUTIFUL! Nurture is the key, not nature. We simply need to care more. We need to go to the gym (if that helps), groom ourselves, get a haircut and outfit that suits our natural attributes (shape of our face and our shoulder’s size, for instance), and check with your nutritionist for a suitable diet (also only if that helps).

We simply need to be narcissistic to be beautiful.

Special thanks to Marc Jacobs, the influential gay fashion designer who has discovered the “consuming joy of narcicism“, for inspiring the title of this post.

This WAS Marc Jacobs.

This IS the new Marc Jacobs, after, of course, the metamorphosing effect of narcissism.