You might consider doing one of the followings:

1. Stone me by putting a curse on me
2. Call me “bastard” or a**-hole, or its permutations
3. Recite Aesop’s fables and mystical tales about princes and princesses to remind me about the consequences that eventually befell the ungrateful child
4. Remind me of the ones who gave me life
5. Convince my mum to leave me by the gas station, like what Bree Van de Kamp did to Andrew (if you watch Desperate Housewives)

But screw obliged affection - my maternal grandfather is a jerk.
[With rumblings of distant thunder in the background, coupled with flashes of lightning.]

Why?

1. He calls from Ipoh every month, hijacks my day for 45 minutes. The content of his speech is worth a mere 5 minutes. He pushes the repeat button. A lot.

2. He wants me to know that there are “many different fields of engineering in this world”. That’s DUH-of-the-day for me.

3. He thinks I shared with him a pecuniary obsession that I will choose a career base purely on the financial reward, and hence he evaluates every job that I’d expressed interest in, from the financial reward point of view, with backings from researches and surveys from god-knows-where on the latest salary rate in the market. Not that I have announced any initiative to channel certain percentage of my salary to him.

4. He obviously lives in caves. He thinks an engineering student would have to work in factories upon graduation (aka the low paying job) and warned me to take this into account when making a career choice.

5. He forces some kind of “holy water” down my throat whenever I see him, yet he was unwilling to reveal the actual composition of the very thing that I am drinking. I am thinking cats’ urine. (He converted one of his room into a “cats’ room”. Cats’ room, not cat’s room. He has a feline obsession. (M)Eww. )

6. He takes great length to convince me that a career in arts and music is not a good choice. Musicians and artists will die without a penny in their coffins. Or so he said. He didn’t like my current involvement in music.

7. He glorifies my dad and described my dad as a “successful professional that I shall emulate”. This is so *not* cool. He wants me to do a master’s degree plus a PhD and earn the title “Dr.”, following the footsteps of the father of someone-I-know.

8. He wants me to listen to his advice on the basis of his seniority. Apparently, he had lived longer and seen much of the world. He should ask my mum for another grandson. Clearly I am not buying into this.

9. He brought in supernatural elements when talking to the highly secular Aaron Lo. He consulted (insert fancy names of God or deities) and (the same God or deity) ordered him to convey to me that I should follow this career path, make that decision, etc, etc.

10. He thinks not schooling (as is my current status) is tantamount to wasting time at home. That. is. so. unacceptable.

Did I say screw obliged affection?