Born This Way

The latest episode of Glee “Born this way” hit me right in my bosom in a rather timely manner as I negotiate my recent insecurities and record low confidence level. Lately I’ve been up to a lot of things that I used to be afraid of and while I honestly do think I deserve a *clear throat in the most nonchalant way* pat in the back for my audacity, I haven’t been feeling great about myself. At every turn of event, I am a loser and a outcast whom the entire world conspire to watch me fall hard.

Watching Glee, it suddenly dawned on me that I haven’t been very self-accepting. I am not entirely happy with who or what I am now. I am almost always in the process of changing things, setting goals and working towards achieving the goals. Someone once told me that in order to change, one has to firstly accept oneself. Paradoxical, isn’t it? I can’t reconcile the paradox – if I decided to be happy with who or what I am now, doesn’t that mean I am settling for mediocrity or anything less than my idea of perfection?

At least after Glee came along I was able to see some light, though the paradox remained. But I think I get what it meant by accepting oneself before changing, at least I am going to try to make sense of it – it just means I need to acknowledge my own history – my strength, my weaknesses – and I should be comfortable with myself at any given time – comfortable in a sense that I know change is going to happen to me, as opposed to comfortable in a I-am-entirely-happy-with-who-I-am-and-I-will-not-change-a-thing-about-myself sense. And all these realization came about in the scene where the teacher, Emma, decided to wear a t-shirt that says “OCD” just as she decides to seek medical/professional help.

While I am at it, I think the latest episode of Glee is the most brilliant episode ever. The t-shirt idea? Super brilliant. Soon people are going to start wearing those t-shirt and garment manufacturers are going to mass produce these t-shirt and they are probably going to call it “Born this way” t-shirts. This is going to be like how the “I heart NY” logo became a cultural icon that it is currently. Television is a great tool to spread trends, precisely why I aspire to work in media/television – screenwriting or whatever, which is currently still an elusive goal.

But I will get there eventually. (I think I just felt a little more comfortable than before saying this.)

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